Jellyacing.Is not a word.

I’m doomed. Somebody should make a grab at the nearest sharp object and stab me right in the heart.

Did you know that I had to browse other people’s blogs just so I can write this post? It’s a freaking nightmare!!!

I spent four years in college, four years in highschool…and the rest of the thousand seconds past, thinking that I had a talent for writing. Talent! Not just plain ol’ dear diary kind of writing, but real creative, intriguing, kind of work.

I say, the call center industry is slowly sucking my soul. Breaking me into bits, and scattering the bits in the air. After some time then…I’ll be gone gone gone.

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I’ve been immersed in the call center world for 2 years now. I’m about 250,000.00 pesos richer based on my ITR. But my ATM says I’m dirt poor, with only 56.25 of assets.  I have a better accent and impeccable pronounciation. And I have also acquired horrible skills at analytical and creative writing. I have gained new friends, and new frenemies. I now rent my own apartment and have my own gas burner! I also have to pay my own bills and pay my own rent. I hold my life in the balls now, yet I’m just not moving forward. At least, I don’t feel like that’s what’s happening.

SO the question is; WHERE AM I REALLY?

At 22, I have gone from graduating college, to graduating from dreaming and living it. I’m really not a person who go for gray areas. For me, it’s just black and white, yes or no, success or failure. But where I am now seems like standing on Jellyace. (No Jell-O’s for me. Local brands are easier to relate to. ) Wobble, wobble, wobble. And it’s starting to kill my brain cells. I had always wanted to write wonderful fiction and emotional poems. I had always dreamed of writing fashion articles and wearing the fashionable items. I had always aimed for penning witty stuff that girls can relate to. I wanted to be Cosmo. I wanted to be Carrie from Sex and the City. And damn.

Sorry for ranting, I love my job, but I detest what it has made me. I feel like a real black hole. Empty, endlessly spiraling to nowhere at all, sucking into it all the good things and making them into nothings. This gray Jellyace phase in my life has already helped surface so many doubts and disappointments from my head that I can no longer make space in my head for simple things like remembering to brush my teeth.(ew. kidding. hehe.)

The only thing clear in my life right now…chan cha ra ran! 

MY LOVELIFE!!!

I know. When it dawned on me that it is the only thing blatantly real and stable and beautiful in my life, I was shocked. After all the heartaches, it had finally happened.

I’m not much for happy endings, but this is the ending I have to leave it with. For now. A greater cause calls, and that is the cause of my rumbling stomach.